my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
