So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
