so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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