I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
