masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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