I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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