I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
