the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
