Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
