You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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