last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
