What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
