i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
