i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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