I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
