I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize