the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
