That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
