I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
