He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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