My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Rumble strips road head = magical
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
