It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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