Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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