you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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