u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
