During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
