my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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