; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
