Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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