My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
even my farts smell like vagina
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize