Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
