I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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