I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
