so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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