We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
