I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
