I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
