Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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