you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
