My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
