Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
