When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
