she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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