I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
