dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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