Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
you inspire me to be a worse person
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
