I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
