I can text with my tongue
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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