we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
