I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Damn victory sex feels great
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
