WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
