if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
