so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
