I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
