Where is the hickey?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
