I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
