His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
