y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
