new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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