kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
