who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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