im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
