i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
