it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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