Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
