I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
