hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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