bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
